Do you remember when you learned to ride a bike?
When I was 7 years old my parents bought me a beautiful black Huffy bicycle. As soon as they showed me the bike, I longed for the freedom to ride down the road on my new wheels. But, I had no idea how. For me, getting up on a bike had always led to one simple outcome: falling over.
My dad took me out in our front yard with my bike. Time and again, I tried to ride from the top of the yard to the bottom without falling. But to no avail.
We didn’t use training wheels. Instead, Dad held onto the back of the bike and ran along behind me. As soon as I was pedaling hard enough to stay upright, he’d let go.
I fell over a bunch of times. Dad just encouraged me to get back up and try again. I’m not sure how many training sessions we had.
But one day things changed.
I remember the thrill of pumping the pedals, feeling him release the moving bike, and getting down to the bottom of the yard without a spill.
When I came back up, the moment of truth arrived. Dad told me it was time to ride from top to bottom without his hand on the bike at all.
I was nervous. I tipped over a few times. But, I knew if Dad said I was ready I could do it.
When I finally went from a standstill to sailing down the yard on my own, I had a newfound freedom and confidence.
Freedom and confidence I could never have found if he hadn’t let go.
Father God works that way in all of our lives. And He has been showing fathers how to teach this way for millennia. Just look at David with his son Solomon.
David had wanted to build a house for God. But God told him that wasn’t his job. Rather, it was his son, Solomon, who was called to build the Temple.
So, David did what a good father does. David intentionally set his son up for success. And then he let go and allowed Solomon to walk out the vision in his own way.
David said, “My son Solomon is young and inexperienced, and the house that is to be built for the LORD shall be exceedingly magnificent, famous and glorious throughout all lands. Therefore now I will make preparation for it.” So David made ample preparations before his death. –1 Chronicles 22:5 (NASB 1995)
David was a man after God's own heart. David knew that God had a vision for Solomon's life. As a parent, David could have been tempted to fulfill the vision for Solomon. After all, this was a hugely important task and Solomon was young and inexperienced. But instead he chose the loving path.
He prepared the way for his son. He prepared his son for that way. And then he let his son fulfill the vision.
How can we choose as parents to set up our children for success by providing them with a firm foundation and then setting them free to build upon it?
We are called to love our children, to equip them, and then to let them live the lives they have been given to live. When we call our children to do hard things they may need us to hold the bike for a while, but even after it’s time to let go we’re called to be there for them and cheer them on all the way to the finish line. As we journey with them we provide the experiences that form and hone the tools they need so we can then step back and let them succeed.
Sometimes success will look like failure for a time. When we give a child the perfect bicycle, he still has to fall a few times before he masters the balance and momentum required to stay upright. I know I got a few bumps and scrapes learning to ride.
But, if we have done our job right, the failures will build into successes. The pain will provide the seeds for the pleasure. And the tears will water the joy.
Wise parenting involves guiding a child along paths that will bear fruit even when we know those paths will involve failures, pains, and tears. True, if the path is too hard the child will give up. But if it’s too easy the child will never build muscle.
We are called to equip our children for their lives, but we can’t live those lives for them. We have to let them fail if they are to succeed.
Eschew the training wheels. Let your child fall a few times. And they will soon be riding confidently around the neighborhood, masters of their two-wheeled transport.
Image Credits: Image entitled Nick Learning to Ride a Bike.
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